lol so I obviously didn't even make a day 2 post from last year's challenge. I get these bursts of productivity and desire to be active in my life changing. It is too easy for me to make excuses of why I can't do something for myself and it's difficult to change my mind. I feel by being extremely self aware, it hinders me in making actual change because I have such a difficult time tricking myself to being healthy, productive, and happy when I very clearly am not wanting to put in the work to make it happen. I'm on another kick of really wanting to change my habits and turn for the better. I have made some big life changes recently and I'm really proud of myself for creating boundaries, listening to myself and my needs, and really taking care of my health.
I was going to go back and find all the previous post's tiktoks to write out the 100 days of how to change your life. I was going to write them down and attempt to challenge myself again, but who are we kidding? I will not make it past the first week. I want to find a process that works for me. I miss writing and I often think of stories, memories, thoughts, or whatever that I just want to write down, but I don't. It often feels like too much effort and then I lose all drive to commit to what I feel my heart desiring. I'm putting no pressure on this. I'm going to write when I want to write and it's probably not going to make sense to anyone but me, but I'm okay with that. It would probably be easier if I wrote physically in a journal and not have this on the internet, but I can type my thoughts way faster than physically writing them and with my spaghetti brain having a million thought pathways at once, the faster I can output it, the better. I'm also ferociously procrastinating right now. I have work to do for a client that is willing to pay me, but I still get so intimidated by what I'm able to produce and feel bad for charging them. Like this is literally one of my jobs but because I'm my own boss, the imposter syndrome is intense.
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I always get intimidated on starting on a blog or journal because I feel like I need to give the blog or journal my full life backstory before I begin to explain where I'm at. I'm taking a new approach where I'm just going to start...and start with a challenge. I was scrolling through tiktok, as I do for far too long every day. I came across @susanabuin starting a "100 days to change your life" series. I'm at a pivot point in my life where I am looking for what's next. I'm not super happy about my job, I'm deep into therapy and a new anti-depressant to help with my lack of caring for myself, and in about a year, I will be moving to an unknown (as of now) location from the tiny island I've lived on for almost 10 years. I figured I would give this a shot. Now, I'm not a huge fan of this creator to be honest. I'm sure she's nice and she's doing her which I respect. Her lifestyle and way of her content is just not my usual vibe. That said, I'm grateful she came across my fyp and am looking forward to seeing what these next 100 days may bring. Hopefully I will actually stick to this, I'm notoriously bad at habit-making but I have done wordle pretty much every day since I discovered it months ago so I think there is hope.
I'm a few days behind from her start but I think that is good for my enneagram type 6 to know what the next day or two will bring so I can plan accordingly. iykyk (ew, I hate people who use that and I just did...turns out, I'm just like every basic bitch out there, working on being proud of that) The first day's prompt is simply "10 Things I Want to Do" - no time limits, no theme, no restrictions were given which is pretty cool. I have been struggling to find my passions these past few years. My mental health took quite the hit from the pandemic. I'm an extrovert who was forced to be an introvert and now I have social anxiety and developed some scary thoughts but good news, my new anti-depressant has been helping me keep my head above water and now I'm looking for ways to get back to caring about life and who I want to be. Alright, enough chit-chat, I'm going to get to it... 10 things I want to do
Tomorrow is to go for a 30-minute walk. Seems easy but I've been trying to get one of those in all week and have struggled to make the time. Hoping this challenge will keep me motivated and because I'm hitting "publish" maybe there is a stranger out there that might read this and I will feel compelled to complete this. |
AuthorAs millennial as I am, writing a little bio is too cheugy for me...just as much as using the word cheugy. |